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Springtime despair
In many ways, I regret the surge of frantic energy around work, as if we have to make up for the past 15 months right now. RIGHT NOW! There is no making up for it. It was both a lost and a blessed period of time. I want to hold on to the gentle, quiet pace. My safe little bubble, where I joyfully lived for these past many months, is being forced open. I'm watching my hopes and dreams, routines and patterns dissipate out the open doors and windows, and try as I might, I'm afraid I'll never catch them and bring them back close to me again.
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I double dog dare you…
And I had that awful, slow dawning of understanding that I have been holding on to this for the entirety of my life because it has "served" me to cast myself as a victim. When I use an oft-repeated phrase that I heard growing up as the reason why I can't do this or that; when I allow it to hamper the deep intimacy I have ever had with any man, including my husband; when I give it more credibility than my intellect, my accomplishments, my spirit, heart and dreams, then whatever failures I have had or might have if I take too big a leap can be passed off…
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Abundance and letting go
When I got up this morning, things had changed. I mean, nothing had gone viral or anything bonkers, but I had a few new subscribers to my YouTube channel, a woman whose content we used for Daily Dose recently shared the post and put up the loveliest note about it. I had a number of incredibly interesting conversations with people I am just getting to know about all kinds of content issues and opportunities. And most importantly, I slept well, something I rarely do.
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6 months, 182 days, 4,380 hours ago…
So the Hamlet analogy can only go so far since the ending is not something to aspire to, but the point of hesitancy is something very real to consider. How do other people make bold moves with so little certainty of the outcome? And what is it about the potential of success or failure that I'm afraid of?
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Stepping out of the shadows: a (re)birthday reflection
Yes, I loved celebrating Dr Marry's 48th birthday with this joyful post and a fun party. But I love today a million times more because we no longer live in secrets. We feel no shame. We have overcome something that, incredibly, isn't even really the tiniest bit unique.
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Universe, what are you telling me?
What in the world was the point, Universe, of dangling that fabulous carrot in front of me, of letting me get the tiniest nibble of it, only to snatch it back again, keeping it in my line of sight but absolutely out of my reach?
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7-card stud, Texas hold ’em, 5-card draw…
In keeping with my last post/commitment to growing my network, I want to share this not-so-small victory. I was scrolling through LinkedIn earlier this week and came across a picture of an AA chip. sidenote: Isn’t it funny what matters to you after something happens in your life that you would never have paid any attention to before? I wouldn’t have even recognized an AA chip four years ago, and now I stop to read the accompanying success post of every single one I see. I didn’t know the man who posted it, but I saw that we had four tenuous connections. I sent him a message to see if…
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Lead from the Outside, ruffled feathers and the attempted sound of silence
This assignment asks us to be vulnerable, honest, brave and willing to both praise and censure ourselves as well as accept praise and censure from others. What could happen in your life if you got honest with yourself and if others were willing to go to a place of loving honesty to really give you the opportunity to reflect and grow as a person? Could you take it? Would you hear it and ponder it, or would you ruffle your feathers and defend your actions?
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Really Facebook? THIS is what you’re choosing to focus on today?
*Watch Gratitude Tuesday: grateful free write ep 132 here. For the first time in 132 episodes, Daily Dose apparently isn’t available on Facebook because I started playing “Linus and Lucy” from Vince Guaraldi’s A Charlie Brown Christmas, and the powers that be determined that it was a violation of copyright. I’m not saying it’s not a violation of copyright, although we aren’t making money off of it, and we recognized the composer and the album. As a side note, it seems to me that Facebook has larger fish to fry than our little Daily Dose and playing a song that is practically a piece of the public realm. So I’m…
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2020: my year in review
Beyond the devastation (and our late in the year diagnosis), COVID was a gift for Dr Marry and me. I closed down my offices in March and have been working from home ever since. That means Dr Marry and I had all spring and summer and much of the fall together since his job was also a hybrid of in-person and virtual teaching. We walked and biked more than we ever have. I baked copious amounts of bread and went back to my pre-full time job delight of searching for and trying fun new recipes.
