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A reminder to be grateful to myself
Have you ever gotten a foreshadowing of a life-changing moment? I'm pretty sure that's what's happening, and I'm marking it here because it's easy to think I'll remember how I felt on this end.
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Stepping away from an opportunity
Yesterday, we Ubered away from a networking and learning opportunity Dr Marry and I’ve been anticipating for months. And every mile we got further from the casino resort where we were staying in southern California made me feel lighter and better. How in the world did we get here anyway? Earlier this year, we had a guest on Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD whom I had found and reached out to on LinkedIn because he posted his 33-year sobriety chip. It was only after he was on that I discovered he’s a big deal: NYT bestselling author of multiple books, high profile public speaker and more. After our…
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A ripple effect of being married to an alcoholic enjoying sobriety
I can see in retrospect, and with so much more knowledge about Mazz in particular and alcoholism in general, that I was making my own sets of excuses. I was desperate not to believe what this person was saying about Mazz. In re-reading these exchanges, which I haven't looked at it in nearly 10 years, my stomach is tight, my anxiety is ratcheting up and I am immediately back in the swirl of knowing something is desperately wrong but not being able to articulate it. I don't know this because I haven't spent enough time with spouses of addicts or those in recovery to prove this theory out, but I…
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Daily Dose is one, and there’s so much to celebrate!
If we went back and analyzed all the episodes of this last year, I'd bet "shame" is the most used word. I want Daily Dose to grow its reach because shame is such an awful place to live. Dr Marry and I were both residents there for many years, and we know exactly how damaging that address is. The interesting thing about Shameville is that it's not just for addicts and their families.
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Springtime despair
In many ways, I regret the surge of frantic energy around work, as if we have to make up for the past 15 months right now. RIGHT NOW! There is no making up for it. It was both a lost and a blessed period of time. I want to hold on to the gentle, quiet pace. My safe little bubble, where I joyfully lived for these past many months, is being forced open. I'm watching my hopes and dreams, routines and patterns dissipate out the open doors and windows, and try as I might, I'm afraid I'll never catch them and bring them back close to me again.
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I double dog dare you…
And I had that awful, slow dawning of understanding that I have been holding on to this for the entirety of my life because it has "served" me to cast myself as a victim. When I use an oft-repeated phrase that I heard growing up as the reason why I can't do this or that; when I allow it to hamper the deep intimacy I have ever had with any man, including my husband; when I give it more credibility than my intellect, my accomplishments, my spirit, heart and dreams, then whatever failures I have had or might have if I take too big a leap can be passed off…
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Abundance and letting go
When I got up this morning, things had changed. I mean, nothing had gone viral or anything bonkers, but I had a few new subscribers to my YouTube channel, a woman whose content we used for Daily Dose recently shared the post and put up the loveliest note about it. I had a number of incredibly interesting conversations with people I am just getting to know about all kinds of content issues and opportunities. And most importantly, I slept well, something I rarely do.
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6 months, 182 days, 4,380 hours ago…
So the Hamlet analogy can only go so far since the ending is not something to aspire to, but the point of hesitancy is something very real to consider. How do other people make bold moves with so little certainty of the outcome? And what is it about the potential of success or failure that I'm afraid of?
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Stepping out of the shadows: a (re)birthday reflection
Yes, I loved celebrating Dr Marry's 48th birthday with this joyful post and a fun party. But I love today a million times more because we no longer live in secrets. We feel no shame. We have overcome something that, incredibly, isn't even really the tiniest bit unique.
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Universe, what are you telling me?
What in the world was the point, Universe, of dangling that fabulous carrot in front of me, of letting me get the tiniest nibble of it, only to snatch it back again, keeping it in my line of sight but absolutely out of my reach?
