Dr Marry and I did what so many of us do: we make a big declaration about something...anything in our lives. And we make a great big splash about it.
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Out with one decade and in with the new
December 28, 2022 early am I’m up in the early, pitch dark silence of York, England, sitting in the living room of the beautiful AirBnB I rented nearly a year ago for just this occasion, the final day of my 5th decade. A number of people I love are asleep in this house with me: the incomparable Dr Marry, my spectacular mother, her partner Bob, my beloved Quinn and his girl Leona. All, and my brother Wes for part of it, have made the trek across the pond to celebrate this milestone birthday with me—something I have been planning since Dr Marry and I celebrated my 46th birthday in Yorkshire…
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Who are the banks of your river?
I'm in the midst of making big, life-altering decisions, and Dr Marry's opinion is the most important one to me now. Today, he listens, asks thoughtful questions and considers all the options before sharing his ideas. The banks he provides keep my water contained but moving forward in a dynamic, fluid, evolving direction. We are alongside each other, the water up against the bank, creating an equal push and pull. And we effortlessly transition back and forth between the two different roles depending on the needs of the other.
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The bark of perfection aka looks can be deceiving
When Dr Marry was at the height of his drinking, I told no one. The darker the interior rings got, the harder I worked to maintain a healthy exterior because I was terrified of my reality being found out, of being deemed rotten and cut down.
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Flip the narrative to find your spark
More than three years ago, I conceived of a pretty audacious vacation with friends and family to celebrate a big milestone in my life. Dr Marry and I are providing a fabulous opportunity for people to travel and stay in a big, beautiful house that we're renting as our gift to them. But they still have to get themselves there, pay for food and other accommodations beyond the house since it's just for three nights. While some people have decided, for various reasons, that they can't make the trip work, a number of people have enthusiastically said, "We're in!" Just because I plan something doesn't mean it will work for…
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Why walking not talking really matters
It can be overwhelming to realize that talking rarely changes things. And it adds to the shame you already feel for uttering something out loud that doesn't get better. That kind of "failure" can lead to making worse and more poor decisions.
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Is dreaming asking too much?
The same way I can't comprehend that the Universe is literally expanding and contracting simultaneously, I can't exactly understand this cosmic paradigm either, but I don't need to understand it to believe it. There's no end, no finite amount of more, particularly when it's asked for and accepted in the right spirit: one of gratitude, grace and generosity.
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Why is it so hard to pause, rest and just be?
But even though I made vows to myself that I would honor the time I gained and the lessons I learned during COVID, I find myself moving back into the frenzied rhythm of the "before times" much faster than I hoped I would. My schedule is packed with back to back meetings, and my time for reflection, strategic thinking and just being is nearly as limited as it was leading up to March
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I’m FINE. How are you?
I'm facing some professional challenges that also feel like mountain climbing, too. This one isn't slippery; the challenge on this climb is that there are many paths from where I stand, all making their way up. While they all feel like they would be fine, I know there are some that will be better than others. Not easier, but better. How to choose?
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Looks can be deceiving
This photo popped up in my memories today. I’m sharing it because behind this absolutely stunning dress (my grandma’s that she wore to the 1961 or 63 ND Governor’s Ball) and big smile is a woman who is as sick as she has ever been (including when I had COVID in Dec 2020). She is hopped up on DayQuil to the point of near hallucination. Her chest and back are covered in stress hives. She has a bruise on her chin from where she passed out the morning before getting out of the shower. Her husband is on day 8 of in-patient rehab for alcoholism and has been away from…
