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Lucky 13
On a Monday or Wednesday in mid-March, 2008, Dr Marry and I were walking our pup Lilly. He had recently found out he had been hired for a tenure-track position at MSUM, so we had a measure of stability that we'd never had before, since his positions had all been temporary, first as a post Doc and then as a fixed-term professor. I know exactly where we were on the walk when a feeling of absolute certainty spread over me, and I said, "You know, if you asked me to marry you again, I would have a different answer." (The first proposal is a story for a different day.)
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Springtime despair
In many ways, I regret the surge of frantic energy around work, as if we have to make up for the past 15 months right now. RIGHT NOW! There is no making up for it. It was both a lost and a blessed period of time. I want to hold on to the gentle, quiet pace. My safe little bubble, where I joyfully lived for these past many months, is being forced open. I'm watching my hopes and dreams, routines and patterns dissipate out the open doors and windows, and try as I might, I'm afraid I'll never catch them and bring them back close to me again.
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Now I’m married to an American?
I hurt his feelings terribly one day when I said, "Become a citizen, but you'll never BE American anyway." What I meant was that he will never have our Manifest Destiny propaganda, I mean spirit; he'll never tromp through the world with our sense of clueless, boisterous entitlement. He'll always have a sense of empathy for the underdog because his dad had to sleep on a park bench when he first arrived in England because no one would rent a hotel room to an Irishman. He'll always be comfortable with multiculturalism because, for all their ongoing struggles with race, England does seem to better embrace it than America does. He'll…
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Life Lessons from afternoon tea
You will find yourself reflecting often on that three-tiered platter of exquisitely designed sandwiches, scones and desserts. Engage in small shifts in thinking, intention and action and you will find the same thing: these are experiences that change you, in small ways at first but, taken as a whole, in ways that stay with you long after you've moved on.
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I double dog dare you…
And I had that awful, slow dawning of understanding that I have been holding on to this for the entirety of my life because it has "served" me to cast myself as a victim. When I use an oft-repeated phrase that I heard growing up as the reason why I can't do this or that; when I allow it to hamper the deep intimacy I have ever had with any man, including my husband; when I give it more credibility than my intellect, my accomplishments, my spirit, heart and dreams, then whatever failures I have had or might have if I take too big a leap can be passed off…
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There’s something about the Irish
But what’s the real appeal of Ireland and its people? As a land mass, Ireland is tiny—North Dakota is 2 ½ times its size. When I was there with my husband, we traveled from coast to coast in just over three hours.
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All journeys begin with a path
Often, it's hard to appreciate your actual path. Doesn't it sometimes feel like you're on your path but longing for the parallel one that appears so much more beautiful or mysterious (other people's lives on social media, anyone?) Or what about the path that veers off completely from the main artery and leads to...who knows where? The great unknown is what makes it so appealing. When your current life feels utterly predictable (or worse), everybody's path look so much better than yours.
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Abundance and letting go
When I got up this morning, things had changed. I mean, nothing had gone viral or anything bonkers, but I had a few new subscribers to my YouTube channel, a woman whose content we used for Daily Dose recently shared the post and put up the loveliest note about it. I had a number of incredibly interesting conversations with people I am just getting to know about all kinds of content issues and opportunities. And most importantly, I slept well, something I rarely do.
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Stepping out of the shadows: a (re)birthday reflection
Yes, I loved celebrating Dr Marry's 48th birthday with this joyful post and a fun party. But I love today a million times more because we no longer live in secrets. We feel no shame. We have overcome something that, incredibly, isn't even really the tiniest bit unique.
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Universe, what are you telling me?
What in the world was the point, Universe, of dangling that fabulous carrot in front of me, of letting me get the tiniest nibble of it, only to snatch it back again, keeping it in my line of sight but absolutely out of my reach?
