More than three years ago, I conceived of a pretty audacious vacation with friends and family to celebrate a big milestone in my life. Dr Marry and I are providing a fabulous opportunity for people to travel and stay in a big, beautiful house that we're renting as our gift to them. But they still have to get themselves there, pay for food and other accommodations beyond the house since it's just for three nights. While some people have decided, for various reasons, that they can't make the trip work, a number of people have enthusiastically said, "We're in!" Just because I plan something doesn't mean it will work for…
Dr. Marry and Me
-
-
Why walking not talking really matters
It can be overwhelming to realize that talking rarely changes things. And it adds to the shame you already feel for uttering something out loud that doesn't get better. That kind of "failure" can lead to making worse and more poor decisions.
-
Is dreaming asking too much?
The same way I can't comprehend that the Universe is literally expanding and contracting simultaneously, I can't exactly understand this cosmic paradigm either, but I don't need to understand it to believe it. There's no end, no finite amount of more, particularly when it's asked for and accepted in the right spirit: one of gratitude, grace and generosity.
-
Looks can be deceiving
This photo popped up in my memories today. I’m sharing it because behind this absolutely stunning dress (my grandma’s that she wore to the 1961 or 63 ND Governor’s Ball) and big smile is a woman who is as sick as she has ever been (including when I had COVID in Dec 2020). She is hopped up on DayQuil to the point of near hallucination. Her chest and back are covered in stress hives. She has a bruise on her chin from where she passed out the morning before getting out of the shower. Her husband is on day 8 of in-patient rehab for alcoholism and has been away from…
-
It’s my five year -versary, too
If he had died, so many of my "problems" would have been solved. I would have gotten his life insurance policy, which would have taken care of the financial insecurity we constantly faced. I would have been cast as the poor, young widow whose husband had gone too soon. People who'd lived with alcoholism somewhere in their lives would have passed knowing glances at whatever reason given for his death because I certainly didn't know that that was what we were dealing with. He'd always been kind of "sickly," so I guess the rest of us would have chalked it up to a poor constitution, as if we didn't have…
-
What’s your true calling?
My desire can not outweigh my reality, however much I might wish it to. That's not a failing on my part. A sadness? Yes, but a failing? No. And the same is true for you, too. Whatever qualities or traits you wish you possessed but don't are not likely things you can adopt, take on or develop in any permanent way because that is not who you were born to be. That's not what your birthright spark is destined to illuminate.
-
Lessons from cross country skiing
Sometimes the path you thought was smooth sailing goes awry—a bit or a lot. Sometimes it falls completely apart. It's in those moments that you need to know your why. Why are you venturing out on your own? Trying to start a new business? Working to leave what is certain behind and move into the great unknown? And then you have to simply put one foot in front of the other and trust that the uncertainty won't last for very long and that you can weather it.
-
We’re day drinking all week long, and then this popped up. What a difference five years can make.
If alcohol is ruining your life or the life of someone you love, I implore you to get real about it and find help to overcome it. I promise you there is an abundance on the other side of drinking to excess. There can still be trips to fancy bars and fun holiday drinks to order. But there's also human connection, real engagement and a healthy, joyful life.
-
Stepping away from an opportunity
Yesterday, we Ubered away from a networking and learning opportunity Dr Marry and I’ve been anticipating for months. And every mile we got further from the casino resort where we were staying in southern California made me feel lighter and better. How in the world did we get here anyway? Earlier this year, we had a guest on Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD whom I had found and reached out to on LinkedIn because he posted his 33-year sobriety chip. It was only after he was on that I discovered he’s a big deal: NYT bestselling author of multiple books, high profile public speaker and more. After our…
-
A ripple effect of being married to an alcoholic enjoying sobriety
I can see in retrospect, and with so much more knowledge about Mazz in particular and alcoholism in general, that I was making my own sets of excuses. I was desperate not to believe what this person was saying about Mazz. In re-reading these exchanges, which I haven't looked at it in nearly 10 years, my stomach is tight, my anxiety is ratcheting up and I am immediately back in the swirl of knowing something is desperately wrong but not being able to articulate it. I don't know this because I haven't spent enough time with spouses of addicts or those in recovery to prove this theory out, but I…
