Personal Writing

From waiting to leading: Sparking connection and purpose

In the spirit of trying something new, I’m going to be SUPER clear about what I’m doing with my blog posts for awhile. I hope you’ll follow along and let me know what you think.

Your Pain Point

You want to grow whatever it is you are working on, dreaming about, pursuing, but it seems like no matter what you do, you are stuck in the same place with the same metrics and outcomes.

My Pain Point

Backstory: I’m going to be really vulnerable and tell you that when I left my job 18 months ago, I thought transitioning into the entrepreneurial world would be “easy” because I had this incredible network that I had carefully built over my nearly 13-year career. And I assumed they would follow me to my new role in some form or fashion.

Time after time, and much to my shock, people I considered not just colleagues but friends when I had a fancy job stopped returning my calls and emails as soon as I left that position. Turns out, the relationships I assumed were real were basically transactional, and when I had nothing to offer many people, I simply had no relevance for them.

I was surprised, hurt, angry and, most of all, disappointed. Call me naive, but I simply hadn’t anticipated that things would go this way.

After I licked my wounds for a few months, I got busy growing my network elsewhere. Because my mother lives in the Minneapolis, MN, area and I had a few contacts there, I decided that would be where I set my sights and spent my energy.

So all last summer, I worked hard to network in meaningful ways. I took every introduction anyone would give me, I had a million introductory calls and I drove down there for dozens of networking events.

It was a lot of work and energy, but I began to grow what I think is a meaningful network of people who live and work in a much larger market.

To my pain point: I kept waiting for someone in my new and growing network to invite me to do something Spark-related in the Twin Cities. I waited and waited…and waited. My metrics were growing, but at a snail’s pace. And I was starting to despair of ever breaking into that market, of ever bringing (re)Discover Your Spark down there.

My Ah ha! moment

And then, earlier this summer, it dawned on me: If I wanted to do Spark work in the Twin Cities, I didn’t need anyone else to give me permission, to grant me a day pass to the Cities, to dub my work valuable enough to pay attention to. I could do that for myself and invite my growing network to say yes with me.

And so I did.

Friday night, I held my first Eat. Drink. Spark! women’s event at my mother’s house in Eagan. Nine women and my mother joined me for an evening of fun, food and drinks and the beginning step of all my (re)Discover Your Spark work.

And it was a real delight.

But it was so much more than that. It was the product of hard and intentional work and some happenstance with a smattering of the Universe interceding, too.

I looked around my mother’s living room at one point and realized that in that circle were women from many stages of my life.

First, my mother, who had never been part of (re)Discover Your Spark in person, joined us in her own home. It was special to introduce her to my work and new friends and to have her as part of this gathering.

Another guest was a former donor from my time leading an arts organization in Fargo. Her early belief in me and the organization’s mission was transformative. It felt full-circle to share with her that the same organization awarded me a grant this year.

One woman grew up in my hometown and had my father as a teacher. Though we didn’t connect until the Daily Dose of Dr. Marry & DD livestream, her support has been unwavering since then.

Then, there was a friend I met through intentional networking last year. She and I clicked immediately, and within days, she and her husband stayed with us in Fargo when they were in town for a concert. Now, she’s an incredible mentor as I build my coaching career.

Another woman followed my Spark Moments videos on Instagram. We met at an event, and she recognized me right away, which made me feel like a superstar, something you can imagine I didn’t hate. Now, we catch up for coffee each time I’m in the Cities, and I’ve loved supporting her events as well.

Finally, after I presented on Sparkworking vs Networking at a national summit, a woman reached out with encouraging feedback. A week later, we met for coffee in the Cities, and we’ve built a strong friendship since.

Some of these women invited friends, expanding the circle and adding more energy to the evening.

The point and lesson for you

Friday night wouldn’t have happened if I had waited for someone else to grant me permission to take up space in a city that is not my own, with a group of women, some of whom I knew and some of whom I didn’t.

Are you waiting for permission to make a move? To show up? To have your work matter?

I’m not a fairy godmother who can grant you your wishes, but I can do this: I can give you permission to get brave, be bold and take charge of what you want.

I can remind you that you don’t need anyone else’s blessing to live to your fullest, to take risks, to say yes to you and your Spark, whatever it is.

I loved Friday night. I loved having this vast array of women in my mother’s living room, connecting with each other, sharing their newly discovered Sparks, laughing and tearing up together.

But mostly I loved that I took charge of myself, I went after what I wanted to make happen and I shared this work and time with nine other women who then found their own Sparks and will go out into the world and share them with others.

And the ripple effects will go on and on…

Photo caption: Our group. The Spark workbooks. Working on (re)Discovering Your Sparks. Spark cookies decorated by one of the attendees.

Dayna Del Val is on a mission to help others (re)discover the spark they were born with through her blog and newsletter, her professional talks and the (re)Discover Your Spark retreats she leads. Dayna works with people to help them not just identify and articulate their dreams but to develop a framework to get going on the pursuit of those dreams—today, in the next few months and for the years ahead. She's at the intersection of remarkable and so, so ordinary, but she knows that pretty much everyone else is, too. She's excited to be sharing this extraordinary journey with you.

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