This photo popped up in my memories today. I’m sharing it because behind this absolutely stunning dress (my grandma’s that she wore to the 1961 or 63 ND Governor’s Ball) and big smile is a woman who is as sick as she has ever been (including when I had COVID in Dec 2020). She is hopped up on DayQuil to the point of near hallucination. Her chest and back are covered in stress hives. She has a bruise on her chin from where she passed out the morning before getting out of the shower. Her husband is on day 8 of in-patient rehab for alcoholism and has been away from…
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15-22-33-45-67…
In fact, I was recently invited to be on the podcast, Leave Your Mark, with Scott Livingston. He asked me a series of questions about things no one had ever asked me about, including why I'm an actor, and that me articulate some of this in a new way for me. I've been thinking about many of the questions ever since. Start at minute 8 to hear me talk about why I've always known I am a performer and what drew me to it even further. And note what age I set for the G.O.T.E. sheet analogy to life as well as the fact that i was 22 when I…
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It’s my five year -versary, too
If he had died, so many of my "problems" would have been solved. I would have gotten his life insurance policy, which would have taken care of the financial insecurity we constantly faced. I would have been cast as the poor, young widow whose husband had gone too soon. People who'd lived with alcoholism somewhere in their lives would have passed knowing glances at whatever reason given for his death because I certainly didn't know that that was what we were dealing with. He'd always been kind of "sickly," so I guess the rest of us would have chalked it up to a poor constitution, as if we didn't have…
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What’s your true calling?
My desire can not outweigh my reality, however much I might wish it to. That's not a failing on my part. A sadness? Yes, but a failing? No. And the same is true for you, too. Whatever qualities or traits you wish you possessed but don't are not likely things you can adopt, take on or develop in any permanent way because that is not who you were born to be. That's not what your birthright spark is destined to illuminate.
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I’m in a bit of a naming crisis…can you help me out?
Then there's also the final word of the existing phrase to contend with: "Disruption." I'm sure the word came to me because I was literally experiencing a massive disruption to my routine: I was away from home and work for 14 days with only my thoughts to keep me company. It was a huge jolt to my systems—to the way I had been kind of autopiloting through life: Get up, go to spin, get ready for work, go to work, come home, make dinner, attend an arts event, come home, read, go to bed. Repeat.
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Lessons from cross country skiing
Sometimes the path you thought was smooth sailing goes awry—a bit or a lot. Sometimes it falls completely apart. It's in those moments that you need to know your why. Why are you venturing out on your own? Trying to start a new business? Working to leave what is certain behind and move into the great unknown? And then you have to simply put one foot in front of the other and trust that the uncertainty won't last for very long and that you can weather it.
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2022, here we come!
What are your goals for 2022? What word or phrase resonates with you and why? If you're stuck on identifying a word, try this clarifying worksheet. As I said at the start of 2020, it might not feel like it's shedding light on anything immediately, but let it percolate a bit and see if you don't hear something when you read it out loud that inspires you.
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The start of the next leg of the journey
Look just at the path. Look as far down it as you can. Notice how it bends ever so slightly, out of sight? We think we're on a straight, even path, but we can only see as far as we can see. What is coming is completely unknown to us. That's my favorite thing about literal paths. I love it when they disappear, which they all do because our eyes can only see so far; they move beyond our sight line. However they cease to be immediately visible, that's the part of the journey that has anticipation, anxiety, fear of the unknown and mystery. It might be more of the…
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2021: My year in review
n other ways, COVID has opened up the world because there's been different time to explore people and things online. I've enjoyed developing new relationships with people who are invested moving through the world like I am, and I've rekindled some very old friendships with regularly scheduled zoom calls. *Because of that, I think some of what is dragging on me is that I'm realizing that some of the friendships I thought were rock solid have just not held up very well these last couple of years. People who were once important to me have not felt very supportive of the path I am pursuing. This isn't something that I've…
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We’re day drinking all week long, and then this popped up. What a difference five years can make.
If alcohol is ruining your life or the life of someone you love, I implore you to get real about it and find help to overcome it. I promise you there is an abundance on the other side of drinking to excess. There can still be trips to fancy bars and fun holiday drinks to order. But there's also human connection, real engagement and a healthy, joyful life.
