Go back and revisit your younger self. Marvel at your naïveté and optimism, tremble at what you know is coming and, most importantly, celebrate what you’ve overcome, what you are overcoming.
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Embrace change: Work toward your Spark in May
2016 Dayna Del Val would ruefully laugh in your face if you showed her this blog post. That year, only months before Mazz got sober, I was, again, contemplating how to leave him, how to walk away from what felt like an endless, slow, sad spiral to a bottom I couldn't see and didn't understand. There was no indication that anything was going to get better or ever be different.
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Shame and isolation be damned
Shame at what's weighing you down breeds an almost frenzied desire to isolate. Mustn’t be discovered by everyone else, by anyone else–no one will understand what you’re going through; shame convinces you that you are the only person who has “failed” in this way, fallen down or been dragged down by someone else. Isolation, in turn, feeds fully off the stories you continue telling yourself as the shame piles higher and higher, burying you under its massive, crushing layers.
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Discover Your Couple’s SOBER Spark experience (virtual)
Dr Marry and I are fresh from coming off a very successful Eat. Drink. Spark! Couple’s experience. It went so well that we’re launching our next Discover Your Couple’s SOBER Spark virtual event. Find everything you need to know here and then sign up to join us for a fun, informative and informal date night on Saturday, October 7 from 7-9pm CDT. October might feel like it’s a long way off, but we all know how fast the fall goes once it gets back into the swing of it. This experience is a fabulous night of connecting with yourself, your partner and with other couples where one or both are…
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Taking off…but to where?
The end of one thing is always the beginning of something else. And there's almost always good and less-than-good with each transition. Many of our "taking off" experiences are "both and" moments. I'm happy AND sad. I'm terrified AND excited.
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Resistance, messy journeys and mountaintops
After that conversation, I listened to a podcast with Oprah Winfrey and Steven Pressfield about his book, The War of Art. I've read the book multiple times and always find it valuable, but this conversation hit me differently. My internal force, aka Resistance, is rearing its ugly head because I've had the audacity to dare greatly. I've told the world I've left my comfort zone and have entered into the great unknown Resistance is working its hardest to stop me from taking the next step, from looking at the proverbial pie and saying, "I want a bigger piece of that." In the book, Pressfield says, "The more important a call…
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The bark of perfection aka looks can be deceiving
When Dr Marry was at the height of his drinking, I told no one. The darker the interior rings got, the harder I worked to maintain a healthy exterior because I was terrified of my reality being found out, of being deemed rotten and cut down.
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Why walking not talking really matters
It can be overwhelming to realize that talking rarely changes things. And it adds to the shame you already feel for uttering something out loud that doesn't get better. That kind of "failure" can lead to making worse and more poor decisions.
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Looks can be deceiving
This photo popped up in my memories today. I’m sharing it because behind this absolutely stunning dress (my grandma’s that she wore to the 1961 or 63 ND Governor’s Ball) and big smile is a woman who is as sick as she has ever been (including when I had COVID in Dec 2020). She is hopped up on DayQuil to the point of near hallucination. Her chest and back are covered in stress hives. She has a bruise on her chin from where she passed out the morning before getting out of the shower. Her husband is on day 8 of in-patient rehab for alcoholism and has been away from…
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It’s my five year -versary, too
If he had died, so many of my "problems" would have been solved. I would have gotten his life insurance policy, which would have taken care of the financial insecurity we constantly faced. I would have been cast as the poor, young widow whose husband had gone too soon. People who'd lived with alcoholism somewhere in their lives would have passed knowing glances at whatever reason given for his death because I certainly didn't know that that was what we were dealing with. He'd always been kind of "sickly," so I guess the rest of us would have chalked it up to a poor constitution, as if we didn't have…
