This post is aptly named. Like so many unknown events in life, each day, sometimes each hour, of this journey in the hospital was like being on a roller coaster in the dark. One moment, everything felt fine, normal even. Then the next, I felt like I was falling, plunging into an unknown chasm whose bottom I had no way of being able to see. One of the things I really appreciate about these video posts is Dr Marry’s willingness to just listen. You can see on his fact that this is hard for him. Much of this information is brand new to him as he’s hearing it read aloud…
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Two Voices of Hope: Up and Down (5a)
I was so naive and blindsided by this experience. Beyond all the worry about what our new “normal” would be, if indeed we ever had a normal again, I was consumed with fear that I wouldn’t be able to get past this, and that I would simply shift my criticism of his drinking to something else. I was terrified that I was just a person who found and pointed out faults in my spouse. And I desperately didn’t want to be that woman. Journal entry: Sunday, February 5, 2017 In our life together, you are so physically weak, so fragile. But I saw a terrifying strength in you Thursday evening.…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4c podcast)
Dr Marry and I had a wide ranging conversation this week, based on some of what we talked about in the video post earlier this week. But we also called out some notable people who shared our content and commended our work on social media. We hope you’ll take a listen and let us know your thoughts on the two big issues we began to tackle. They both get to the root of part of the challenge around words like “addiction” and “victim.” This post means we are on the back-half of this 27 part journey. If you’ve been with us from February 1, thank you. If you are new…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4b video)
This post is one of my favorites because I feel like to perfectly sums up how different this experience was for Dr Marry and me, how different it likely is for any user/addict and any significant other. His spiral was tight and made perfect sense in his mind. My spiral was unwieldy and out of control because I didn’t understand the core of it; couldn’t define it. And, to my utter and never ending frustration, couldn’t control it. I continue to be amazed by Dr Marry’s bravery. People are writing to me to commend me for this, and I really appreciate that. But in actuality, he’s the real hero in…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4a)
So, to back-track a wee bit. Yes, the set of questions I was asked repeatedly about concerned how much alcohol I drank, to which I repeatedly lied about. Whilst I was trying not to bleed all over the bathroom and clean it up, I was drinking whiskey because I was convinced it might help. What I didn’t seem to care about was that I was drinking a lot – everyday. However, one thing I did not do, ever, was drink at work. Even at this point I felt that work was a safe place away from the bottle. I will admit I thought about when I could go home to…
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Two Voices of Hope: Hitting the First Bottom (3c podcast)
It’s time for this week’s podcast. I didn’t particularly like this week. I have had such a swirling mess of emotions surrounding this post. Mostly I have a lingering sense of anger, but it’s not really anger about this particular situation. It’s more that I’m still angry about some parallel events that happened at the same time. But anger isn’t even the right word; mostly I am just so, so sad. This week has left me unable to articulate exactly how I am feeling, and that is not at all something I am accustomed to. And I don’t like it. In the end, I suppose it’s about my inability to…
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Two Voices of Hope: Hitting the First Bottom (3b video)
This was really hard to read out loud. It’s hard to watch. That’s good. It should be hard. These three years later, it should still be hard, and it is. I expect it always will be. The value in the writing, the reading, the speaking and the watching of this hard time, I believe, is that this is the universal element of our story. It’s not necessary for you, the reader/viewer, to have been married to an alcoholic to find the common thread in this. All that is necessary is for you to have lived, to have gone into or watched another person’s decline of any kind and to have…
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Two Voices of Hope: Hitting the First Bottom (3a)
Three years later, it’s easy to gloss over the excruciating unknowns that were my life for a number of weeks. In fact, I hardly ever think of the weeks that went by in the hospital and rehab because the outcome has been so incredible. But it’s important for people who only see the trips to Europe and the romantic, playful posts Dr Marry and I share back and forth on Facebook to understand the true gravity of what we went through to get to where we are today. The storm before the calm I won’t go into all of the gory details of Dr Marry’s fall into delirium tremors because…
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Two Voices of Hope: Our Beginning, From My Side (2c podcast)
This is a kind of funny podcast from Bath, England. We’re here to go to Midge Ure’s concert on Saturday to celebrate Dr Marry’s final night of his 49th year. It was his birthday present last year, so we’ve been looking forward to this for almost a full year. “Who’s Midge Ure,” you ask? Only the lead singer of Ultravox! “Who’s Ultravox,” you ask? Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Exhibit A: Also, Dr Marry ate haggis tonight, so he’s in 7th heaven. And I hoped I didn’t accidentally scoop from the wrong dish, as it absolutely looked just like my quinoa salad from my beloved Marks & Spencer’s. Thank…
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Two Voices of Hope: Our Beginning, From My Side (2b video)
Dr Marry (reluctantly) read his first blog post. Side note: Dr Marry was a more enthusiastic outloud reader until sometime in the winter of 2002 or 2003, he was tasked with reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to Quinn and me. It was a Quidditch match chapter, and I asked him if he didn’t think he could put a little more enthusiasm into the reading–it was a SUPER exciting game, after all. That ended his exploits as a reader. I have since apologized (many times), but it hasn’t made one jot of difference, so I really appreciate that Patrick Kirby and I got him to do these posts…
