Beyond the devastation (and our late in the year diagnosis), COVID was a gift for Dr Marry and me. I closed down my offices in March and have been working from home ever since. That means Dr Marry and I had all spring and summer and much of the fall together since his job was also a hybrid of in-person and virtual teaching. We walked and biked more than we ever have. I baked copious amounts of bread and went back to my pre-full time job delight of searching for and trying fun new recipes.
Dr. Marry and Me
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Gratitude goes a long way
I woke up trapped between wondering why I'm spending such an inordinate amount of time on these "side gigs" that don't seem to be getting me anywhere and hoping against hope that the Universe is busy paying attention to someone (anyone!) else and misses my doubts and despair so that I don't get smited (smote?) for questioning its pace or interest in my dream. Ugh!
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Daily Dose celebrates 100 episodes!
Starting today, we're moving Daily Dose to its own Facebook page. It's time for it to have a new life of its own, separated from my work with extraordinary. We hope you'll tune in, like the page and start sharing it with your network. At its core, Daily Dose is about exploring the things that are holding us back and finding ways to move forward into our best, most joyful life.
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Winning the game
But it's hard to play defense against a player you've never encountered. Turns out that the x I was trying so desperately to solve in the equation was something utterly out of my control: another person and his secrets. I grew up in a household where one person managed and controlled all the money, and that one person was not even the one making the money. Some stuff becomes hardwired in your brain, even if you know it's not absolutely correct. This was one of those things.
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I’m stretchy-chasey, how about you?
Sometimes I wish life were more binary. I want to be stretchy. Period. I don't want to be stretchy and chasey, although truthfully, being chasey sometimes drives me to figure things out just to alleviate my envy. But it's hard to live simultaneously with those two qualities because the chasey feels like it is drowning the stretchy, and I know that the stretchy just needs more time.
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Disrupting the money conversation
Pre-2017, we didn't have money conversations. We had money arguments. From his side, I was nagging, questioning, accusing; from mine, he was obfuscating, lying, paying no attention. We never, and I do mean never, had a "good" conversation around money.
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The ever tipping scales of balance
We talked for awhile, this man, whose name I heard as Matt, and I. He was relatively drunk but so, so pleasant...and that accent! My biggest concern was, interestingly, not the drinking. I could excuse that because his family were over from England, and it was their last night, and you know how the Irish can drink (somehow that was comforting excuse. Hindsight!). No, my biggest concern was his swearing. I'd never heard those few words used so effortlessly in many parts of speech in my life.
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The day before my world turned upside down
So I try to keep September 10, 2001, always present in my mind, even though I can't tell you a single thing that actually happened on that day. I keep it present because that day is a perfect example of the "before" time to whatever instance abruptly stops you in your tracks and hijacks your world. Before the diagnosis. Before the accident. Before the breakup. Before the ______________.
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Mirroring our reality
We didn't just talk about addiction, of course, because these men, and the other woman and I are more than the product of this disease, which steals from every person with whom it comes in contact. But it was so easy to ask questions, to recall a similar experience, to look at this couple, who in many ways are a mirror of us, and see where we had been, where we are and what damage still lingers. Because believe me, no matter how much better it is, no matter how fabulous it is, in fact, there is lingering damage. Scars heal over time, stop being red and raw, but never…
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Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD week 3 recap
Thanks for joining us on this journey--remember to share these with anyone you think might find value. We believe they aren't just useful to addicts and spouses/partners of addicts, but to people going through life. We all have to live with vulnerability, manage complex emotions, reflect on our own role and take responsibility for it and everything else.
