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  • Personal Writing

    The bark of perfection aka looks can be deceiving

    July 13, 2022 / 0 Comments

    When Dr Marry was at the height of his drinking, I told no one. The darker the interior rings got, the harder I worked to maintain a healthy exterior because I was terrified of my reality being found out, of being deemed rotten and cut down.

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    Dayna Del Val

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    September 14, 2020

    2021: My year in review

    December 27, 2021

    Taking action, and I’m inviting you to join me

    September 20, 2020
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    Looks can be deceiving

    February 25, 2022 / 0 Comments

    This photo popped up in my memories today. I’m sharing it because behind this absolutely stunning dress (my grandma’s that she wore to the 1961 or 63 ND Governor’s Ball) and big smile is a woman who is as sick as she has ever been (including when I had COVID in Dec 2020). She is hopped up on DayQuil to the point of near hallucination. Her chest and back are covered in stress hives. She has a bruise on her chin from where she passed out the morning before getting out of the shower. Her husband is on day 8 of in-patient rehab for alcoholism and has been away from…

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4c podcast)

    February 27, 2020

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    October 31, 2020

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    March 5, 2020
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    It’s my five year -versary, too

    February 1, 2022 / 4 Comments

    If he had died, so many of my "problems" would have been solved. I would have gotten his life insurance policy, which would have taken care of the financial insecurity we constantly faced. I would have been cast as the poor, young widow whose husband had gone too soon. People who'd lived with alcoholism somewhere in their lives would have passed knowing glances at whatever reason given for his death because I certainly didn't know that that was what we were dealing with. He'd always been kind of "sickly," so I guess the rest of us would have chalked it up to a poor constitution, as if we didn't have…

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Abundance and letting go

    March 4, 2021

    Gratitude goes a long way

    December 5, 2020

    Two Voices of Hope: Up and Down (5b video)

    March 3, 2020
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    We’re day drinking all week long, and then this popped up. What a difference five years can make.

    December 23, 2021 / 1 Comment

    If alcohol is ruining your life or the life of someone you love, I implore you to get real about it and find help to overcome it. I promise you there is an abundance on the other side of drinking to excess. There can still be trips to fancy bars and fun holiday drinks to order. But there's also human connection, real engagement and a healthy, joyful life.

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Two Voices of Hope: Counting Our Blessings, an Epilogue (9a)

    March 28, 2020

    Lilly lessons

    July 3, 2021

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    July 2, 2020
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    A ripple effect of being married to an alcoholic enjoying sobriety

    August 25, 2021 / 0 Comments

    I can see in retrospect, and with so much more knowledge about Mazz in particular and alcoholism in general, that I was making my own sets of excuses. I was desperate not to believe what this person was saying about Mazz. In re-reading these exchanges, which I haven't looked at it in nearly 10 years, my stomach is tight, my anxiety is ratcheting up and I am immediately back in the swirl of knowing something is desperately wrong but not being able to articulate it. I don't know this because I haven't spent enough time with spouses of addicts or those in recovery to prove this theory out, but I…

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Why walking not talking really matters

    June 4, 2022

    7-card stud, Texas hold ’em, 5-card draw…

    January 29, 2021

    We’re day drinking all week long, and then this popped up. What a difference five years can make.

    December 23, 2021
  • Dr. Marry and Me

    Stepping out of the shadows: a (re)birthday reflection

    February 16, 2021 / 0 Comments

    Yes, I loved celebrating Dr Marry's 48th birthday with this joyful post and a fun party. But I love today a million times more because we no longer live in secrets. We feel no shame. We have overcome something that, incredibly, isn't even really the tiniest bit unique.

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    Dayna Del Val

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  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    Winning the game

    October 31, 2020 / 1 Comment

    But it's hard to play defense against a player you've never encountered. Turns out that the x I was trying so desperately to solve in the equation was something utterly out of my control: another person and his secrets. I grew up in a household where one person managed and controlled all the money, and that one person was not even the one making the money. Some stuff becomes hardwired in your brain, even if you know it's not absolutely correct. This was one of those things.

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    Dayna Del Val

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  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Writing Retreat Reflections

    Disrupting the money conversation

    September 12, 2020 / 2 Comments

    Pre-2017, we didn't have money conversations. We had money arguments. From his side, I was nagging, questioning, accusing; from mine, he was obfuscating, lying, paying no attention. We never, and I do mean never, had a "good" conversation around money.

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Some things I am grateful for

    April 22, 2020

    I double dog dare you…

    March 27, 2021

    We’re day drinking all week long, and then this popped up. What a difference five years can make.

    December 23, 2021
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    Mirroring our reality

    August 13, 2020 / 0 Comments

    We didn't just talk about addiction, of course, because these men, and the other woman and I are more than the product of this disease, which steals from every person with whom it comes in contact. But it was so easy to ask questions, to recall a similar experience, to look at this couple, who in many ways are a mirror of us, and see where we had been, where we are and what damage still lingers. Because believe me, no matter how much better it is, no matter how fabulous it is, in fact, there is lingering damage. Scars heal over time, stop being red and raw, but never…

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    Dayna Del Val

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    Is dreaming asking too much?

    May 25, 2022

    Two Voices of Hope: Counting Our Blessings, an Epilogue (9c podcast)

    April 2, 2020

    The ever tipping scales of balance

    September 11, 2020
  • Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

    Daily Dose of Dr Marry & DD week 3 recap

    August 1, 2020 / 2 Comments

    Thanks for joining us on this journey--remember to share these with anyone you think might find value. We believe they aren't just useful to addicts and spouses/partners of addicts, but to people going through life. We all have to live with vulnerability, manage complex emotions, reflect on our own role and take responsibility for it and everything else.

    read more
    Dayna Del Val

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    All journeys begin with a path

    March 10, 2021

    Flip the narrative to find your spark

    June 11, 2022

    Two Voices of Hope: Progress (6c podcast)

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