Journal entry: Sunday, February 19 We moved you to Prairie St. John’s on your birthday (Feb. 16). Let me just say that I put in a terrible Valentine’s Day—I got the flu of the century, and you also decided not to go in to residential treatment but to do outpatient instead. Never let it be said that you’re a pushover, sir! I slept much of the day as much to get over the flu as to try to push the reality of your decision out of my consciousness. I just don’t want to do this again—ever—and I needed you to make the deepest commitment you could. Later You did…
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Two Voices of Hope: Progress (6c podcast)
This week’s podcast conversation of this week’s blog post goes in to Dr Marry’s lightbulb moment that found him determined to climb out of the hole he had dug by taking the hands that were offered instead of pushing them out of the way. We also discussed what I have since uncovered was really going on behind the trip across the street to get a glass of wine no more than 75 minutes after I picked him up from rehab. Oh dear! Dr Marry noted that he has been surprised by all that he has learned about himself in this blogging/videoing/podcasting process, and I have to agree that this has…
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Two Voices of Hope: Progress (6b video)
Dr Marry wants it noted that he doesn’t suffer from an out loud reading disability; this post was hard for him to read because he was “trying to be stoic” in spite of the emotion that threatened to overtake him. For the record, I didn’t know that until this morning, and I was sitting right next to him. I guess you’re better at stoic than I have ever given you credit for, sir! My goodness, this was a test of my ability to stay patient, and my face clearly gives away my struggle. Sorry, Dr Marry. You’re so good at so many things–reading emotional content out loud is just not…
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Two Voices of Hope: Progress (6a)
So, on Thursday, February 16, 2017, I left Sanford and Dayna drove me to Prairie St. John’s psychiatric and behavioral health hospital where I signed in for intensive in-patient care. It was also my 47th birthday. I was scared, and after Dayna drove off, it was the first time I felt lonely in a long time. I was, however, 16 days sober. That evening I was given a copy of the Alcohol Anonymous Big Book, in which I signed my name, and added “sober plus 16 days.” I now have two birthdays. My Belly-Button Birthday, and my Sobriety Birthday on the first of February. The next night I attended my…
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Two Voices of Hope: Up and Down (5c podcast)
This week’s podcast is short and sweet because, quite frankly, we’re tired! Hope you’ll take a listen and, please, find us a producer. We need some technological help! Thanks, as always, for listening, for writing and for sharing! Next: Progress 6a
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Two Voices of Hope: Up and Down (5b video)
This post is aptly named. Like so many unknown events in life, each day, sometimes each hour, of this journey in the hospital was like being on a roller coaster in the dark. One moment, everything felt fine, normal even. Then the next, I felt like I was falling, plunging into an unknown chasm whose bottom I had no way of being able to see. One of the things I really appreciate about these video posts is Dr Marry’s willingness to just listen. You can see on his fact that this is hard for him. Much of this information is brand new to him as he’s hearing it read aloud…
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Two Voices of Hope: Up and Down (5a)
I was so naive and blindsided by this experience. Beyond all the worry about what our new “normal” would be, if indeed we ever had a normal again, I was consumed with fear that I wouldn’t be able to get past this, and that I would simply shift my criticism of his drinking to something else. I was terrified that I was just a person who found and pointed out faults in my spouse. And I desperately didn’t want to be that woman. Journal entry: Sunday, February 5, 2017 In our life together, you are so physically weak, so fragile. But I saw a terrifying strength in you Thursday evening.…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4c podcast)
Dr Marry and I had a wide ranging conversation this week, based on some of what we talked about in the video post earlier this week. But we also called out some notable people who shared our content and commended our work on social media. We hope you’ll take a listen and let us know your thoughts on the two big issues we began to tackle. They both get to the root of part of the challenge around words like “addiction” and “victim.” This post means we are on the back-half of this 27 part journey. If you’ve been with us from February 1, thank you. If you are new…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4b video)
This post is one of my favorites because I feel like to perfectly sums up how different this experience was for Dr Marry and me, how different it likely is for any user/addict and any significant other. His spiral was tight and made perfect sense in his mind. My spiral was unwieldy and out of control because I didn’t understand the core of it; couldn’t define it. And, to my utter and never ending frustration, couldn’t control it. I continue to be amazed by Dr Marry’s bravery. People are writing to me to commend me for this, and I really appreciate that. But in actuality, he’s the real hero in…
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Two Voices of Hope: So, What Happened? (4a)
So, to back-track a wee bit. Yes, the set of questions I was asked repeatedly about concerned how much alcohol I drank, to which I repeatedly lied about. Whilst I was trying not to bleed all over the bathroom and clean it up, I was drinking whiskey because I was convinced it might help. What I didn’t seem to care about was that I was drinking a lot – everyday. However, one thing I did not do, ever, was drink at work. Even at this point I felt that work was a safe place away from the bottle. I will admit I thought about when I could go home to…
