Dr. Marry and Me,  Personal Writing

Two Voices of Hope: Our Beginning, From My Side (2a)

So, late January, 2017

I slipped on the ice in the loading bay at work. Banged up my head (ten stitches) and my hand (swelled up like a melon – which probably protected the rest of my face and my teeth). I was taken to the ER by a work colleague and Dayna came to meet me. That explains the picture in Dayna’s first blog post.

A couple of days later, January 31, I got a nose bleed at work – which didn’t stop. I had to cancel my night class and come home. I bled through dinner, after dinner when DD went to bed, and bled some more. And by some, I mean, when I went to the upstairs bathroom to try to see what was going on, I bled everywhere. On just about everything. When I tried to clean it up, I bled more. It was at this point I worked out that I needed some help. I called out to D who unhappily took me to the ER.

Once there I was seen quickly – as most people are if they are bleeding that much – and had my nose cauterized. However, a blood test for platelets and total red blood cells indicated that I was suffering from a dangerous lack of both. So, I was admitted to the hospital. For the next two days I was tested for cancers and blood disorders and was asked (repeatedly) a set of questions to which I said the same answers. Dayna was with me through this – including a bone biopsy. However, she does have an important job and we have a dog, so life has to go on. Dayna said goodbye and that she would come back to see me in a few hours. This was the second of February 2017.

In the fog

The next thing I remember was trying to work out why it was really hard for me to think and say a complete sentence, having no idea what was going on, but most importantly, why a trained medical professional with a kind face I thought I had never seen before was explaining to me that it was nice that I was waking up – after being in a medically induced coma for six days. Then I remember seeing a tired looking Dayna Del Val sitting right there next to me. I have no real clear memory of those six days. Every now and then I think I remember a “moment” like a snap-shot photo of something. Trying to remember much else during these last three years is a bit like fishing in the dark. I do remember Dayna being present, even though she was worn out by my unpleasant past general behavior and had a large dose of seasonal flu.

So, what happened?

I have a disease. Some of the symptoms of this disease include denial of any problem, incorrectly thinking you are in control for how to manage this disease, not fully understanding that you have become a chronic liar, believing that nothing that is going on around can be blamed on you, and that even though deep down you know something is terribly wrong, you are scared, scared because you are sure that there is no hope out of your current lot in life.

My name is Mazz Marry and I am an alcoholic.

Next: Our Beginning, From My Side 2b (video)

Photo taken in winter 2015.


  • lindalla

    Thank you for this Mazz. Especially for the list of symptoms which are universal across all kinds of addictions. We have been struggling with this same disease and all of the myriad repercussions with my son for two years. At least we survived the intervention, and the first year, which, with all of its pain and turmoil, seems easy in hindsight. You are, and have been an example of how to do recovery. I know it is a process, and an ongoing one at that. We haven’t gotten it right yet, but we’ll keep practicing. I am renewed thanks to you and Dayna. Much love, Linda

    • Mazz Marry

      Hi Linda,

      I am incredibly sorry for the lateness of this reply. Dayna and I were in England when you wrote, and we simply missed the notification that you had written. We came across it today when we were looking for something else.

      Thank you for the incredibly kind words and honesty about your family journey with this disease. I can only hope that the rest of our posts continue to be of some help to you and your family. Please feel free to contact us by any means if you have any questions that you think we could help answer.

      Thinking of you all,


  • Shannon S Steffke

    I am Shannon and I am an alcoholic. Dayna and I know one another from when I was at Sanford.

    Thanks to both of you for sharing this journey together. I chose sobriety on February 16, 2018.

    • Mazz Marry

      Hi Shannon,

      Sorry this reply is incredibly late from me. My only defense for the lateness is that when you sent your comment, Dayna and I were in England without her laptop and I just plainly missed it.

      Congratulations on your two+ year milestone. I hope you feel as fantastically proud of yourself as I do for you after reading your reply.


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